[ he never had to be this close to know she's on edge. he'd seen the circles under her eyes, the tension around her shoulders. he'd even seen the way she seems to forget who or what or how he is, stepping close where she doesn't need to, speaking where mouthed words could have done just fine.
if she expects any reaction from her words at all, she doesn't get much. a heavy pause, a slow and steady blink. but then again, he's been perfecting the blank expression for quite a while now. it doesn't take much to crack through it, and all her pretense had helped prepare him for something pretty bad anyway.
he'd always suspected it had to have been something along those lines. a catch to her catch, that is, given the way havoc keeps such information so tightly under wraps. even in confessing to him, she'd always taken care never to confess too much. ]
sHE aTtaCK sOMeboDy?
[ he thinks of ellie again. moreover of tess' attachment to her. he thinks of hinata, next, of their time spent shared in that black box. ]
[There's a short moment where her expression stays fixed before it folds lips turning up into something that might be a smile if it weren't so twisted, head tilting, just so. And it says it all, of course. If she'd attacked somebody- somebody Tess cared about, which would be the only reason she gave a damn about this at all, she wouldn't be here standing in front of him now with only hushed words and a sour look on her face.
Not this time, at least. Six dealt with himself, went missing straight off, but it had been a hard thing not to pull the trigger on him when she'd had the chance and she hadn't been on ground nearly as solid then.
Not that she says anything like that.]
Not quite. Hinata's got some kind of deal with her. His blood in exchange for her protection.
[Her protection. Tess doesn't chew her lip, but she does shift back slightly, smile slipping off her face.]
He says it ain't much but- [but he doesn't know anything] that could change. I just want to make sure she's not got something else on her mind.
[Which is as good as admitting her own guilt. Because what she doesn't say is she made him stop. She didn't even ask him to.]
Can't exactly go up to her and bring it up, either, since it's meant to be a secret. Figured you could keep tabs on the situation.
[She doesn't think he'd let Hinata get hurt. Babysat him well enough. Worried about him, even if he'd done it in the most backwards way he could. And Tess could keep as many eyes as she wanted but at the end of the day there's no guarantee she could stop someone with skills like that. Try as she might. The dirty little truth of this place.]
[ tess would be right about that much, at least — nic wouldn't let the kid get hurt, foolish as he might be enough to go out and look for trouble, but doing something and admitting to it are two very different things. ]
hEre i ThoUGht i Was OFf BAbySiTtiNG duTY.
[ but it's not a no. neither is his turning away from her to grab up a previously discarded t-shirt, using that to wipe off the sweat on his face and hair in lieu of a towel. his hair is still long, uncut from the last time they'd spoken, so that when he runs the shirt down his face, the long fringe sticks to his cheeks. ]
if IT's sUPposEd TO be a SeCRET, hOW dId You FInD OuT?
[Bullshit. Because he's telling her there's things she can do to help these kids. Because she's practically chasing trouble down by not turning Hinata away. Both of them even dumber than they looked. Hard to do.
She doesn't chase him down when he turns, holds her ground as he puts himself back together again. Breaks the tension like a twig and-
It hadn't been a yes but it sure as hell wasn't a no. She was getting used to it. It didn't matter if he didn't seem excited about it, as long as he did it. And he had to, there's no one else she can ask, not to watch some kid who's not Ellie. She knows better than to think that was alright to do.
Hair too long and he doesn't exactly look worn out but she can't help but wonder if he won't regret not taking advantage of whatever time they have left before things go all to hell again. Probably not.]
Apparently I look trustworthy.
[Said with a flat expression to match the tone, raises her hands in half a shrug. But it's not like Nic can't already tell how stupid she's being.]
He's got me trying to teach him how to read people.
[ oh that gets him pausing. gets him turning back towards her to face her fully, just so she can see the full force of that shit-eating grin on his face. ]
bET He tWIsTEd YouR aRM ReAl bAD, TOo.
[ tell him again, tess. tell him again how you don't have time or care to waste on teaching these kids your skills. ]
[She just raises a single eyebrow in response. He could be as smug about it as he wanted, but he'd called on her after Hinata had gotten out of blackbox (better hope she never finds out why you fought that door pal), he had no room to talk.]
It was a trade.
[And then, because she's her, with a tilt of her head and a shallow grin] Why, what did he do to you?
[She doesn't believe that at all. Ordered? Maybe to watch him, back when things had gone all sideways- although Tess hadn't been kidding, Hinata was observant and she hadn't been all that comfortable with the idea of Nic running around without a set of ears during all of that- but she doubted it stretched to finding out how he was after his training. Nah, skeptical doesn't begin to cover it, and it shows.]
First hand experience with Blackbox. And information.
[Like that little gem about Havoc. That hadn't been part of the deal, but it had been a handier side-effect than she'd imagined. As open as he was, it seemed to pay off. Nothing she could fake as well as he could do honestly.]
sO Go IN YOursELf. didN't THInk YOu WeRe ThaT ScARed.
[ one more swipe of the shirt through his hair, pushing it back off his face. all hard lines and sunken eyes, but sharper than they usually are, adding an edge to the twist of his lips.
when he turns back to her, his brows are raised. it's almost innocent, that curiosity. if it weren't, you know. him. ]
sHOUlD i wATch ALl the PEopLe TakINg adVAntAgE oF liTtLE kIdS who DoN'T knOW BeTtER?
[She couldn't remember a time she wasn't scared. Not really. She moved and she worked and she fought and she survived but that fear was always there. Because she didn't want to die. So no, she wasn't fearless. She just knew how to use it.]
Besides, I know what I'm capable of. I don't need to prove it to them.
[She'd wondered what the black box would show her. Considered the possibilities, how it could hurt her. And it would, but in the end she'd been hurt before. And it was real then. No faked images. No fake family.
She just stands there and watches him go sharp, all edges and corners. More focused than she's used to seeing him. Outside of a fight, at least. Then again- She turns up her chin, and if he's expecting her angry, he doesn't get it. Matches his grin with one of her own, two steps forward again, shoulders back but lose. No fight, but a lot of challenge.]
[ there's a moment's pause on his end — not quite hesitation, but not quite not hesitation either. a second later, he's back to that wide, lazy grin, all teeth and no mirth.
he'd argue he never thought he knew her, but that would be a horrible lie. she'd see through it all too easily, and frankly she's been looking through him with too much ease lately. not good. ]
[All of a sudden, just like that. It's an easy break. Her smile might not be any more genuine but it's a little less sharp as she brings her hand up, intending to tap his shoulder with the back of her fingers, lazy flick of the wrist.]
That's the spirit.
[And every part of her knows this is a bad idea. It'll come back to haunt her, coming to him like this. Someone's going to fuck up somewhere, and it'll be messy. But she doesn't really have a choice. Not one she's willing to make right now. And she should be standing on her own two feet but she couldn't do it with the extra weight of people she wasn't meant to be dragging behind her.
He's not exactly a solution so much as part of the problem, but that's nobody's fault but her own.
He hadn't said yes, but she's pretty sure that doesn't matter. Got what she came here for, even if in the end all it was putting words to problems she couldn't solve. Takes a step back, hands at her side again and looks away for a second, grin falling somewhere along the line.]
Thank you.
[And they're words that never come naturally to her but she's put a lot on him, regardless of what he'd offered her months ago. In the end it's more than he has to.]
[ there's a lot put into tone, when a person speaks. tone carries intent, meaning, even context. but when you can't hear the tone, you have to make do with everything else — the set of the shoulders, the thoughtless gestures of the hands, the way eyes flicker back and forth. body language.
he's in-tune to all of that because he has to be, because he's got to be able to read people if he can't hear them, and so when that hand hovers uncertainly between tess and his shoulder, he can do nothing but watch it, and watch her.
watches how she shifts back, jaw set in a decision. how her eyes look directly at him, but not entirely naturally. every movement is a conscious effort, even the way she steps back and puts some physical distance between them, as if the words weren't enough on their own.
and then, suddenly, surprisingly, a step forward with her very words, even though her lips fold awkwardly around the shapes, even though the syllables drag on her tongue.
he stares, but she's probably used to that by now. what she may not be used to is the small step he takes towards her, the width of his shoulders easily framing hers as he turns to her fully.
there is no hesitation in his words, though his own jaw sets in decision. ]
That's not anything she was expecting. Spent enough time chasing him down, even if she never quite gave it her all. Still, she wrote him off awhile ago, easy enough to do with the way he was. No point in it. She's quiet for a long moment, eyes a little wider than usual. It makes her look softer than she is, chin tucked slightly to meet his gaze. She blinks.
There's a lot of thing she could say to that. Could say what she'd considered saying half a dozen times since they met. Push for something that would be- well, if not a good idea, at least not the worst one she'd ever had. But it wouldn't exactly be simple, and it might not even be fair. Not with things like they are. Not with her the way she is and him-
But hell, she's never been a very good person, has she?
Not the kind of thing she's meant to be dwelling on right now.
What she does is this: Blinks again, and the mild, thoughtful surprise slips off her face, trades it for a suit that fits her better, slightest hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth and amusement tucked in the corner of her eyes. Takes half a step forward, until there's not much room between them at all, which shouldn't be half as easy as it is.]
Usually. I'll have to think on it. [and it's not much of an answer as she lifts her left hand to brush against his forehead, pushes back the errant hair, eyes focused very carefully on her fingers. Distracted.] You still need a haircut.
[Which means absolutely nothing at all. Drops her hand at the same time she looks back down to meet his eyes, and her expression hasn't changed. It's a funny fucking world.]
[ plenty of things to dwell on while you're here. plenty of things to hold you down and keep you down, and plenty more to keep you contained within yourself. everyone needs their chance at release. and everyone manages it a different way.
tess isn't the most powerful of their lot — in fact, she may well be one of the weakest — but there's more to strength than power, and there are people here who depend on her. ellie, hinata, even eren and parker and the rest of harpy — none of them can afford to let her lose herself. and while the woman may be stubborn enough to go down fighting, it'd still be a damn shame to let that happen any time soon.
the whole point of being an effective shield is knowing when to take the hit, and who to take it for. ]
i'Ll puT IT On mY LISt.
[ and in return, she gets nothing more than a slight turning up of his lips. a ghost of a smile that's still somehow more genuine than most of the others he's spare since recruitment (a good number of them with her, for her).
shirt in hand, katana strapped back on his hip. a tip of his head and he's on his way.
but it's not like she doesn't know where to find him. ]
I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go
[Put it on his list, huh? Must be getting to be a long one, everything said and done. Still, she's quiet, stands there and lets him go without a fuss. One less problem.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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if she expects any reaction from her words at all, she doesn't get much. a heavy pause, a slow and steady blink. but then again, he's been perfecting the blank expression for quite a while now. it doesn't take much to crack through it, and all her pretense had helped prepare him for something pretty bad anyway.
he'd always suspected it had to have been something along those lines. a catch to her catch, that is, given the way havoc keeps such information so tightly under wraps. even in confessing to him, she'd always taken care never to confess too much. ]
sHE aTtaCK sOMeboDy?
[ he thinks of ellie again. moreover of tess' attachment to her. he thinks of hinata, next, of their time spent shared in that black box. ]
no subject
Not this time, at least. Six dealt with himself, went missing straight off, but it had been a hard thing not to pull the trigger on him when she'd had the chance and she hadn't been on ground nearly as solid then.
Not that she says anything like that.]
Not quite. Hinata's got some kind of deal with her. His blood in exchange for her protection.
[Her protection. Tess doesn't chew her lip, but she does shift back slightly, smile slipping off her face.]
He says it ain't much but- [but he doesn't know anything] that could change. I just want to make sure she's not got something else on her mind.
[Which is as good as admitting her own guilt. Because what she doesn't say is she made him stop. She didn't even ask him to.]
Can't exactly go up to her and bring it up, either, since it's meant to be a secret. Figured you could keep tabs on the situation.
[She doesn't think he'd let Hinata get hurt. Babysat him well enough. Worried about him, even if he'd done it in the most backwards way he could. And Tess could keep as many eyes as she wanted but at the end of the day there's no guarantee she could stop someone with skills like that. Try as she might. The dirty little truth of this place.]
no subject
hEre i ThoUGht i Was OFf BAbySiTtiNG duTY.
[ but it's not a no. neither is his turning away from her to grab up a previously discarded t-shirt, using that to wipe off the sweat on his face and hair in lieu of a towel. his hair is still long, uncut from the last time they'd spoken, so that when he runs the shirt down his face, the long fringe sticks to his cheeks. ]
if IT's sUPposEd TO be a SeCRET, hOW dId You FInD OuT?
no subject
[Bullshit. Because he's telling her there's things she can do to help these kids. Because she's practically chasing trouble down by not turning Hinata away. Both of them even dumber than they looked. Hard to do.
She doesn't chase him down when he turns, holds her ground as he puts himself back together again. Breaks the tension like a twig and-
It hadn't been a yes but it sure as hell wasn't a no. She was getting used to it. It didn't matter if he didn't seem excited about it, as long as he did it. And he had to, there's no one else she can ask, not to watch some kid who's not Ellie. She knows better than to think that was alright to do.
Hair too long and he doesn't exactly look worn out but she can't help but wonder if he won't regret not taking advantage of whatever time they have left before things go all to hell again. Probably not.]
Apparently I look trustworthy.
[Said with a flat expression to match the tone, raises her hands in half a shrug. But it's not like Nic can't already tell how stupid she's being.]
He's got me trying to teach him how to read people.
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bET He tWIsTEd YouR aRM ReAl bAD, TOo.
[ tell him again, tess. tell him again how you don't have time or care to waste on teaching these kids your skills. ]
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It was a trade.
[And then, because she's her, with a tilt of her head and a shallow grin] Why, what did he do to you?
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i wAS OrDERed.
[ you weren't. ]
whAt'Re You GeTTIng out OF iT?
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First hand experience with Blackbox. And information.
[Like that little gem about Havoc. That hadn't been part of the deal, but it had been a handier side-effect than she'd imagined. As open as he was, it seemed to pay off. Nothing she could fake as well as he could do honestly.]
no subject
[ one more swipe of the shirt through his hair, pushing it back off his face. all hard lines and sunken eyes, but sharper than they usually are, adding an edge to the twist of his lips.
when he turns back to her, his brows are raised. it's almost innocent, that curiosity. if it weren't, you know. him. ]
sHOUlD i wATch ALl the PEopLe TakINg adVAntAgE oF liTtLE kIdS who DoN'T knOW BeTtER?
no subject
I guess you don't know me all that well.
[She couldn't remember a time she wasn't scared. Not really. She moved and she worked and she fought and she survived but that fear was always there. Because she didn't want to die. So no, she wasn't fearless. She just knew how to use it.]
Besides, I know what I'm capable of. I don't need to prove it to them.
[She'd wondered what the black box would show her. Considered the possibilities, how it could hurt her. And it would, but in the end she'd been hurt before. And it was real then. No faked images. No fake family.
She just stands there and watches him go sharp, all edges and corners. More focused than she's used to seeing him. Outside of a fight, at least. Then again- She turns up her chin, and if he's expecting her angry, he doesn't get it. Matches his grin with one of her own, two steps forward again, shoulders back but lose. No fight, but a lot of challenge.]
Maybe you better.
[As if he didn't already.]
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he'd argue he never thought he knew her, but that would be a horrible lie. she'd see through it all too easily, and frankly she's been looking through him with too much ease lately. not good. ]
whY NOt? nOtHINg bEtTer To DO.
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That's the spirit.
[And every part of her knows this is a bad idea. It'll come back to haunt her, coming to him like this. Someone's going to fuck up somewhere, and it'll be messy. But she doesn't really have a choice. Not one she's willing to make right now. And she should be standing on her own two feet but she couldn't do it with the extra weight of people she wasn't meant to be dragging behind her.
He's not exactly a solution so much as part of the problem, but that's nobody's fault but her own.
He hadn't said yes, but she's pretty sure that doesn't matter. Got what she came here for, even if in the end all it was putting words to problems she couldn't solve. Takes a step back, hands at her side again and looks away for a second, grin falling somewhere along the line.]
Thank you.
[And they're words that never come naturally to her but she's put a lot on him, regardless of what he'd offered her months ago. In the end it's more than he has to.]
no subject
he's in-tune to all of that because he has to be, because he's got to be able to read people if he can't hear them, and so when that hand hovers uncertainly between tess and his shoulder, he can do nothing but watch it, and watch her.
watches how she shifts back, jaw set in a decision. how her eyes look directly at him, but not entirely naturally. every movement is a conscious effort, even the way she steps back and puts some physical distance between them, as if the words weren't enough on their own.
and then, suddenly, surprisingly, a step forward with her very words, even though her lips fold awkwardly around the shapes, even though the syllables drag on her tongue.
he stares, but she's probably used to that by now. what she may not be used to is the small step he takes towards her, the width of his shoulders easily framing hers as he turns to her fully.
there is no hesitation in his words, though his own jaw sets in decision. ]
aNYtHIng ElSe You WAnT?
[ even if maybe he already knows.
even if maybe he knows better than to give it. ]
no subject
That's not anything she was expecting. Spent enough time chasing him down, even if she never quite gave it her all. Still, she wrote him off awhile ago, easy enough to do with the way he was. No point in it. She's quiet for a long moment, eyes a little wider than usual. It makes her look softer than she is, chin tucked slightly to meet his gaze. She blinks.
There's a lot of thing she could say to that. Could say what she'd considered saying half a dozen times since they met. Push for something that would be- well, if not a good idea, at least not the worst one she'd ever had. But it wouldn't exactly be simple, and it might not even be fair. Not with things like they are. Not with her the way she is and him-
But hell, she's never been a very good person, has she?
Not the kind of thing she's meant to be dwelling on right now.
What she does is this: Blinks again, and the mild, thoughtful surprise slips off her face, trades it for a suit that fits her better, slightest hint of a smile in the corner of her mouth and amusement tucked in the corner of her eyes. Takes half a step forward, until there's not much room between them at all, which shouldn't be half as easy as it is.]
Usually. I'll have to think on it. [and it's not much of an answer as she lifts her left hand to brush against his forehead, pushes back the errant hair, eyes focused very carefully on her fingers. Distracted.] You still need a haircut.
[Which means absolutely nothing at all. Drops her hand at the same time she looks back down to meet his eyes, and her expression hasn't changed. It's a funny fucking world.]
no subject
tess isn't the most powerful of their lot — in fact, she may well be one of the weakest — but there's more to strength than power, and there are people here who depend on her. ellie, hinata, even eren and parker and the rest of harpy — none of them can afford to let her lose herself. and while the woman may be stubborn enough to go down fighting, it'd still be a damn shame to let that happen any time soon.
the whole point of being an effective shield is knowing when to take the hit, and who to take it for. ]
i'Ll puT IT On mY LISt.
[ and in return, she gets nothing more than a slight turning up of his lips. a ghost of a smile that's still somehow more genuine than most of the others he's spare since recruitment (a good number of them with her, for her).
shirt in hand, katana strapped back on his hip. a tip of his head and he's on his way.
but it's not like she doesn't know where to find him. ]
I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go
One more problem.]